Exploring the Ache We Can't Fill Alone

I'll never forget the first time I experienced the "small fish in a big pond" feeling. I was 12 years old traveling on a school bus across town to Pershing Junior High. This was a new school with lots of people I didn't know. Insecurity is a REAL THING in junior high, and I was way out of my comfort zone! I felt alone, unknown and totally intimidated.

We are born with an internal longing for love, acceptance, and the desire to belong. We seek temporary gratification and fulfillment in our workplaces, relationships, achievements, material possessions and external beauty. But our internal struggles will never be resolved with external solutions. We can change jobs, lose weight, move to a new location, criticize someone else to make ourselves feel better, or buy cuter clothes to ease the ache. But this will always be a temporary fix. The "rush" and affirmations we receive from upgrading, renovating, or tearing others down will always be short lived. Internal pain calls for internal change.

Where do we start? Release, surrender, submission. The tighter our grip, the more tension we experience. When we attempt to control, fix, or manipulate a situation, the more complicated our situation becomes. This results in increased anxiety and the downward spiral begins. God desires to RESTORE, REBUILD and REVIVE our lives from the inside out. This is something only He can do, which is why we have to submit and let go of this false sense of control and self protection that we work so hard to construct.

Matthew 11:28-30 (Message version) asks, "Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with Me and you will recover your life. I'll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with Me and work with Me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace … Keep company with Me and you'll learn to live freely and lightly."

Another version of Matthew 11:29 uses the metaphor of a yoke joining two animals together to work as one. "Bend your neck to my yoke." In other words, submit to Me, let Me help you, humble yourself, release control. The Passion Translation says it this way, “Simply join your life with mine.”

God beckons us to come to Him and learn from Him. "Learn the unforced rhythms of grace." Grace is defined as unmerited divine assistance given to humans for their regeneration (Merriam-Webster.com). Regeneration often happens after an injury or as a normal process of growth. God wants to teach us for our good, for our renewal and healing. When we join Him and follow His lead, the straining and striving to do things on our own subsides.

This regeneration and renewal begins by slowing our pace. Healing an injury begins with minimizing the use of the wounded area and allowing rest and regrowth occur. As we quiet our minds and our schedules, the ability to hear God’s loving voice increases. He is always speaking, always reaching to us, always longing to carry our burdens, but our “Go, go, go” culture often distorts or deafens His voice.

God desires to lead us into His truth and away from the lies we so often believe about ourselves, others and Him. His truth will interrupt the anxiety spiral. His truth will penetrate our deepest aches and reveal our greatest longings. "For if you embrace the truth, it will release true freedom into your lives." (John 8:32 TPT) But we have to slow our pace and quiet our hearts long enough to allow Him to show us the root cause of our pain.

It wasn't until I was 49 years old that I REALLY began digging into the deep ache for safety and security that I was longing for in junior high. God has been leading me through a restoration process. But it is a process. Freedom and healing don't emerge from a “quick fix.” In fact, a slower pace can be extremely uncomfortable and the revelations that surface will initially lead you to look at things about yourself or your experiences that you don’t want to see. All He asks is that we take a step. “Walk with me…work with me….watch how I do it. Then you will live freely and lightly.”

God will lead, but He will not force forward motion. He simply asks us to start. I encourage you to invite Him into your day. Ask Him what He wants you to know and what He wants you to do. Connect with a mentor or community that will walk with you and speak truth. If you'd like to learn more about taking steps towards growth and movement forward in your journey, please reach out to me at Danica@spenceintegrativehealth.com. I'd love to connect with you!