The pressure I used to put on myself was unbelievable! I would strive to provide an perfect world for my children. I did my best to keep a perfect house. I thought that I always had to have it "together"... whatever that means?!? It was a heavy load that led to seasons of fear and anxiety because there were SO many things outside of my control. When the people I loved got hurt or experienced painful situations, it would absolutely wreck me. I expected self-perfection, and believed the lie that if something went wrong it was my fault. Does this sound familiar?
"In this world you will have trouble." I've heard John 16:33 throughout most of my adult life, but I thought I could override this truth. After all, wasn't I responsible for my family? Didn't God give me these 4 precious children to raise to the best of my ability? Isn't His will for us to be safe, happy, and at peace with everyone? My self imposed expectations were impossible. I wish I'd known that our journey through life was more about HOW we dealt with adversity, and less about protecting ourselves and our families FROM adversity. The the self critiques and guilt I experienced when I couldn't protect my family from pain and hardship robbed me of joy. Ultimately, I thought our hope was in my ability...woah!
The belief that our protection, provision, safety and joy was dependent upon me held me back. God's word says that His expectations of us are easy to bear (Matthew 11:30). We place excessive pressure on ourselves, and then we wonder why we are always exhausted! On the outside I wanted to present like I was easy going and had it all together, not so I could "look good," but because I so desperately wanted peace and deeply desired that my family to feel stabile and protected.
Scripture also states that our true confidence and hope should come from the Lord (Jeremiah 17:7). No wonder I was so insecure and lacked mental and emotional strength! I was carrying a burden I was never expected to carry. "In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." This is the rest of John 16:33. God will overcome the world, not me!
We are free to live generously when we know God is our provider. We are free to live fully and love deeply when we know God is our source of love and acceptance. We are free to live without fear of the future when we know God is our protector. I lived in bondage limited by: 1-concern about what others thought of me and my decisions; 2-the weight that I was solely responsible for providing safety and security for my loved ones; 3-the constant questioning if I was enough or if I could do enough to provide the "perfect" ____ (fill in the blank).
These beliefs ultimately led to fear of pain and suffering, which is the root of anxiety according to psychologist and author Dr. Anita Phillips.
Tactically, conquering the battle in my mind started with self awareness. This allowed me to recognize and understand my unhealthy pattern of thought. Assessments like the Enneagram and the Gallup Clifton Strengths Assessment gave me insight and deeper understanding about my internal motivations, as well as insights into my strengths. These tests also provided the tools to decipher why I would respond the way I did. This clarity allowed me to begin moving towards a life filled with more joy and freedom, which is God's desire and ultimate plan for us... FULLNESS OF JOY!
The bottom line, though, is the still small voice of God was leading me every day. The discernment that God's Spirit and wise counsel brought slowly began to lift the self imposed pressure to perform without error. Freedom comes when we can let go of expectations. Peace comes when we lay down the weight of perfection. Fear ceases when we stop measuring our "enoughness" by the world's standards. We live in the world, but God has provided us with tools to destroy the strongholds of the world's reasoning and untruths. I am SO thankful for God's gracious, daily reminder to place my burdens into His hands instead of trying to carry them on my own.
If you have any questions or if you would like to connect with me, please reach out to danica@spenceintegrativehealth.com . This resource titled "5 Helpful Questions to Ask When Seeking Clarity and Confidence" will help you begin the journey towards greater self awareness and confidence. Clink the link below for this helpful resource ➡️ https://spenceintegrativehealth.com/ .
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