Most of us, if we're honest, have encountered stressful situations with family members and close friends. Occasionally we have to address some difficult topics … hurts from the past; navigating a disagreement or “hot topic"; approaching an aging parent about health issues and limitations; financial tension … the list goes on. Growth and healing takes digging into painful memories, peeling back walls of protection that isolate us, and really looking closely at a pain point so we can find answers and get help.
Our son had shoulder surgery in the fall of 2022. He had been dealing with a shoulder that was coming out of socket from time to time, and with deeper investigation we found out the socket had a piece broken off. He had learned how to adapt to the shoulder instability, and in the process had muscles that were developing incorrectly, a winging scapula, and somewhat hunched posturing to protect the shoulder.
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With this new knowledge, he had a choice…
Keep living with the pain and limitations, accommodating the injury.
Or schedule the surgical reconstruction knowing there will be pain, increased limitations and physical therapy for a period of time.
Personal growth presents this choice to us as well. Physical health, emotional growth and health, and changing our patterns of thinking require time, effort, and sometimes two steps back before we start seeing the forward progress.
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We would LOVE for the progress to immediately look like encouragement, relief, comfort. But it doesn’t. There are times when we’re afraid of the response we will receive or the pain that truth and transparency brings, even in healthy communication. Don’t let fear keep you stuck or stop the motion that’s begun! Peeling back the layers with a trusted friend/mentor allows the work to begin.
Digging into Jared’s shoulder socket, removing scar tissue, and reattaching the broken bone was painful. Recovery took a team, and progress was slow. BUT Jared approached the rehabilitation with a coachable spirit. He listened carefully to the surgeon and physical therapists as he proceeded into therapy, and his shoulder is fully functional now. A year later, Jared has participated in flag football intramurals at his university, he has scaled indoor climbing walls, and last summer he trained to lead white water rafting tours. These activities that Jared loves would not have been possible if he hadn't gone through the difficulty of surgery, the painful recovery and the consistent work in physical therapy. His muscles are developing, the scapula is now positioned as it should be, and his posture is healthy and straight.
We all have experienced hurtful situations and painful conflict with people we love and care about. Health and recovery in rebuilding these relationships takes time, consistent effort and intentionality. Progress doesn’t happen by itself. It takes work, dedication to growth and a coachable spirit. This work is PIVOTAL to leading a full and fulfilling life. We need each other!
If you have questions or need support moving forward towards growth, reach out to me at Danica@spenceintegrative.com . Thank you for joining me on this journey!
“He heals the wounds of every shattered heart.” Psalms 147:3 TPT
“O Lord, my healing God, I cried out for a miracle and you healed me!” Psalms 30:2 TPT
“I leave the gift of peace with you—my peace. Not the kind of fragile peace given by the world, but my perfect peace. Don’t yield to fear or be troubled in your hearts—instead, be courageous!” John 14:27 TPT
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